The Amazing Disappearing, Reappearing Passport Trick

Ladies and gentle men, come one, come all! Gather 'round and behold the perplexing disappearing, reappearing passport illusion!

For the past couple of days I've been under the impression that my passport was missing, probably stolen. I had left my baggage unattended at the hostel I'm staying at for a couple of days and during my trip to Osaka, one of my friends wanted to see what a Swedish passport looked like. Since I had brought the bag I thought contained the passport with my I presently reached for it but lo, there was nary a passport to be found. After looking through my bags, one, two, three times the charm, it still refused to present itself. Being the calm, logical person that I am I deduced that it must have been stolen, since I clearly remembered having it when checking in to the hostel. Seeing that the next appropriate action would be to contact the local authorities and the Swedish embassy, I acted accordingly and had within a few days gone through all the red tape needed to acquire a temporary passport and blocking my old, presumably stolen one. In a serene state and with a satisfying feeling of accomplishment, I returned to the hostel and on a whim decided to repack my bags. Now, here is where the real magic happens. What falls out of a crease in my neatly folded suit if not the wanting passport. Tadaa! And that's how you make 16,500 yen disappear. Just like magic.

The Amazing Adventures of Apaman

Although they got their Swedish compound word rules just a tad mixed up and though it's really Monkeyboy, not Monkeyman, it's still obvious from this sign that the power of the monkey reaches far and wide. Today Japan, tomorrow the world! *Muahahahaha* (Cue organ music)

On the third day

Brothers and sisters, I have born witness to a miracle! The Mega Mac has risen from its grave to once again bless us mortals with its quadruple godliness! Oh, great Mega Mac, my faith in you was not misplaced! It was in no other place than the sin-riddled streets of Akihabara, the Sodom of Tokyo, where I was humbled by its presence, as it was absolving sinners left and right.

For ye of little faith I have picture proof below. Also, this time the burger came with ketchup, the blood of Mega Mac, completing the Holy Communion. Hallelujah!

These are not the ninjas you are looking for

I'm just going to pretend like I haven't been missing for a week and get on with posting as if nothing had happened. I'm definitely not going to suggest that I was kidnapped by a secret group of Yakuza financed super ninjas and had to fight my way out with a toothpick, dismembering a virtual army of the bloodthirsty über-assassins in the process, impressed the grand master to the point of being made an honorary super ninja and ultimately was sworn to secrecy on the existence of the clan on pain of death by imploding heart. You won't hear me say anything like that.

Soooo, let's move on. In the spirit of previous posts I have yet again found something in Japan that tickled my fancy. No, that's fancy, with a C. Get your mind out of the gutter. The sidewalks of all but the tiniest streets in Japan are paved with a special kind of yellow, patterned stones. At first I thought they were used to separate the sidewalk between pedestrians and bicycles but upon further study I realized that their purpose was guiding blind people. The stones are patterned with groves in the direction of the road and with a dotted pattern where the path splits or at a crossing. It all seems very useful, but I have to ask, if their purpose is to guide *blind people* why are they *painted yellow*? Except for giving them a distinct Oz feel it seems like a waste of good paint.

春夏秋冬

I've just realized that the names of my four best friends in Japan for some reason correspond to the four seasons. The names of the seasons in Japanese are 春 (haru/spring), 夏 (natsu/summer), 秋 (aki/fall) and 冬 (fuyu/winter). Now the spring is obvious, since one of them is called 春菜 (Haruna). Summer is clearly 美夏子 (Mikako) even though the reading for summer is different in her name. Fall would be my friend 亜希子 (Akiko), whom I call Aki. Although the meaning of her name is different, it sounds the same as the name of the season. Winter is a bit of a stretch, but my fourth friend who is called 由佳 (Yuka) would at least in a game of 尻取り (shiritori, a Japanese word-chain game) be connected to winter. Did I just blow your mind?

Farewell, dear Mega Mac, we hardly knew thee

It pains me to have to write an eulogy for the king of hamburgers after only trying it once, but the sad truth is that the Mega Mac is no longer available in Japan. It has been cowardly backstabbed and replaced by the seemingly disgusting Ebi (Shrimp) Fry Burger. Foul Ebi Fry, you will never live up to the greatness of your predecessor. Oh, the humanity!

To infinity - and beyond!

Japan is one day into the future alright. Paper menus and annoying waiters reading you the daily specials become a thing of the past with the advancement of technology, as seen at this izakaya (Japanese style pub).

Galaxy Express

In Japan, the train lines are generally named after the end stations in a way that is uniquely Japanese - by combining the first (or sometimes second) Chinese characters of the names of these stations. However, because the reading of the characters commonly changes when used separately, the names will often make no sense for non-Japanese speakers. For example, the line running from the north part of Tokyo (東京) to Yokohama (横浜) is called the Keihin-Tōhoku Line (京浜東北線), where Tōhoku means north-east. Knowing this, I can't help but wonder what the end station for the Utsunomiya Line (宇都宮線) is, since Uchū (宇宙) is the Japanese word for outer space...

Deep into that darkness peering

Remember what I said about the urban planing in Tokyo? Well, that goes double for the train system. Daedalus would be in awe of the satanic intellect that concocted this twisted maze of subterranean horror. A look at the map below should give you a clue on what you're up against, should you ever brave the Tokyo metro. If this doesn't instill at least an ounce of fear and hesitation, you should know that this is only the Japanese Railway (JR) lines. There are several other companies, all with there own set of mind chilling pathways into the darkness. ...Mommy!!

Run for the hills! The CATS are coming!

One peculiar thing I've noticed in Japan is that you sometimes see bottles of water lined up, especially around trees or other vegetation. Initially I thought the idea was maybe that in case the plants needed to be watered, help would never be far away, but it seemed a bit weird. After pondering this for a while I asked my friend about it and hearing the explanation it all made perfect sense... in *Bizarro World*. Apparently the idea is that by means of light being refracted and reflected in the water cats will be kept at bay. Uh, yeah, that will probably work...

Dinner

My dinner last night. Looks nice, huh?

How the hell do Japanese people stay so skinny?

I really love Japanese food, but sometimes it's nice to have something western for a change and what is more western than good, old Mackedonken (that's McDonald's to you non-Swedes)? I found one close to where I live and as I made my way to the counter, I was awestruck as my eyes fell upon a poster of what is surely the pinnacle of hamburger construction. A sandwich with not one, not two, not even three but *four* glorious, all-beef patties. Can you say delicious? I know I can. This monstrosity is aptly named the "Mega Mac" and with french fries and a drink will set you back 680 yen or about 39 SEK. Interestingly enough this used to be the price of a Big Mac value set in Sweden about what, 7 years ago? That's Burgernomics for ya.

Group mentality

Japanese people sure do like to line up. Well, not really, but when something gets popular in Japan it gets *popular* and people seem to think it's completely acceptable to line up for a couple of hours to get their hands on whatever is the fad of the moment. For some picture proof, see the shots below of people lining up for their daily fix of trans fats at Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, which recently opened shop in Tokyo. It should be noted that at the time this photo was taken, the initial craze which had people lining up all over the rather large square in front of the store had already passed, making it slightly less dramatic, so you'll have to use your imagination. Now, what is it about Krispy Kreme doughnuts that makes people wait for hours (yes, that's hours) to sink their teeth into that krispy, kreamy goodness when there are perfectly good ones with no waiting time whatsoever at Mr. Doughnut? Is it the added entertainment value of watching the doughnuts being made? Is it the cute way the name is misspelled? Is it that the doughnuts are powdered with kocaine? Or is it, perhaps more likely, that when Japanese people see a long line, something in their brain goes "Whoa, dude, look at the size of that thing! That's ridiculous, man! There's gotta be something amazing at the end! Gotta get me some of that... Let's line up!".

The grand tour

This is home from home. Not much to say, except it's a pretty nice place. No cockroaches, which is a good thing.

Oh, I bought a larger memory card for my camera, hence the longer video. From 32MB to 4GB, or 1:30 minutes to over 3 hours in terms of video length.

It's lonely, oh so lonely

To my dismay I have noted that very, very few people leave any comments on this blog. Of course, this might be due to the fact that there's really no one reading it, but I hope you all are just shy. Come on people, leave some comments. Feedback is what keeps me going.

I've heard through the grapevine that you might have to register in order to leave comments. According to my settings that shouldn't be a requirement, but if it for some reason is, I'm sure you are all computer savvy enough to make an account.

It's-a me, Nazi Mario!

I was not aware of this, but apparently The Mushroom Kingdom was part of the Third Reich. This revelation came to me as I was casually walking through the TV section of my local electronics store and who do I see if no other than Mario, of Super Mario fame, sporting a very suspicious mustache. Not only that, he is also holding a sign saying "The Real Super Mario". Your cuddly cover is blown now, Super Fascist Mario! Who would have thought that lovable Italian accent was an homage to Mussolini.

Houston, we have a problem

Breakfast - the nutritional cornerstone on whose sturdy foundation of complex carbohydrates we stand firmly through the day. As I was preparing mine this morning, I found myself in the predicament of being out of milk. Now, I can have my morning tea without milk or sugar (or tea. No, really.), that wasn't the problem. To the bowl of cornflakes with sliced banana I had already prepared however, milk proved to be a more crucial ingredient. Mmm, taste that crunchy goodness!

Lunch however was a success. Indian curry with naan bread and lassi, very nice.

Take that, alien scum!

To continue the theme of the previous post, here is another example of the wonders of Japanese technology. Apparently this device not only dries your hair, but can also be used to fend off alien invaders. How about that!

The future of pooping

You have to hand it to the Japanese - when it comes to high-tech and gadgets there is no farther frontier than the land of the rising sun. Never is this as apparent as when one for the first time places one's rosy cheeks on the crowning jewel of toilet technology - the washlet. A pleasant warmth spreads through your lower regions as the preheated seat silently greets you and automatically starts the ventilation fan. As you look down to your right you note the flashing lights and shiny buttons of the control panel, making you feel more like you're about to supplement the captain's log than to defecate. After doing your business, a few key presses guides a jet-stream of warm water with pinpoint precision to the general area of your unmentionables, making the concept of toilet paper join bedpans in the ranks of obsolete toiletries we'd rather just forget about.

In short, washlets rock.

Also Godzilla watches over you as you poop.

雪男

It's cold today. I thought I had escaped winter's merciless advance, but it has somehow managed to track me down. Perhaps I brought it with me, like some kind of temperamental disease vector - a mild case of Mårranitis. There's a concept in Japanese known as 雨男 (ame-otoko), a man whose presence seems to cause rain. I guess that would make me a 雪男 (yuki-otoko, yuki means snow). Maybe that's why all photos of me come out blurry... (no one will get this joke)

Dilemma (no, seriously)

Let's face it. One of the best things about Japan are the super-cool cell phones. I've been having a hard time trying to decide which one to get though, since no model combines all the features I'm looking for. The oh-so elusive Holy Grail of cell phones would be equipped with a 480 line VGA screen for that mouth-watering, crisp visual experience, a clam shell design to protect said screen (plus it looks cool) and a GPS to navigate the labyrinthine back-alleys of Tokyo (see previous post). The two top candidates are the Sharp 912SH and the Toshiba 912T. The former sports a rather novel flip design which supposedly makes browsing PC websites and watching digital TV broadcasts easier, but it lacks GPS. The latter is slightly thinner, with a stainless steel front and the ability to rotate the screen to the front - useful for taking pictures and watching TV, but hardly for browsing the Internet. This handset falls short on it's measly 240 line QVGA screen and considerably shorter battery life. The only fair way to decide which model is the better is a good old fashioned fight to the death.

Viking? I'll take that as a challange!

I've just come back from a yakiniku all-you-can-eat buffet. If you know me, I take that literary. After all, it's all-you-CAN-eat buffet, not a sissy all-you-want-to-eat buffet. Last one who throws up looses. As if that wasn't enough, buffets are for some strange reason called "Viking" in Japan. Probably in the sense of "Real men are big, hairy and can eat half their body weight in meat. You're not a girly man, are you?". Girly man? Oh, it's on...

Urban planning? We don't need no stinkin' urban planning!

In my first step towards independence, I went for a look around the area where I live today. Now, for those of you who have yet to experience the wonder of Japanese urban planning this might seem trivial, but the simple truth about Japanese urban planning is - there is none. Things that we take for granted, like that if you take a parallel street to the one you usually take you wind up in roughly the same place do not apply here. In fact, the concept of parallel streets seems about as alien as that of parallel universes. You would think that Daedalus was the city architect. I really need to get my hands on one of those nifty Japanese cell phones with GPS...

Bald people are freaky

So there was this one guy at Helsinki airport. A business man, I guess, judging from his Burberry shirt and expensive suit. Now, you would think that someone who cares enough about their appearance to wear brand clothing would take similar care of their hair. You would be wrong. You would be very, very wrong. Being a guy who is coming to terms with the fact that my hairline isn't what it was 5 years ago, I can understand the will to hold on to whatever hair you have, but this was just not right. I have more hair on my ass than this guy had on his head. What few strands of hair were left were located on the very back of his head and had it not been for the fact that they were like *15 cm long* would have been undetectable to the naked eye. That's right, freaky bald guy had a Kelsey Grammar syndrome but with less hair on the back of his head that Frasier has on the top of his. He looked like the armpit of a prepubescent boy. I'm gonna have nightmares about this.

Sayounara Sweden - Helloooo Tokyo!

Good riddance.

Well, no, not really, but I'm glad to finally be in Japan. So far, things have been good although it's a lot hotter here than I had expected. Still, after suffering through what has been the coldest, rainiest Swedish summer to my recollection, the sweltering heat and humidity seems like a better deal.

The trip went a lot smoother than usual, with almost no waiting time or delays and best of all - my own personal video screen. What is usually a 10 hour adventure of boredom became almost enjoyable with a hefty selection of movies and TV-shows, many of which I hadn't seen. After plowing through "Shrek the Third", "Spider-Man 3" and "Fast Track" (which was a lot more bland and generic than its cast seemed to suggest) and a few classic episodes of cartoon comedy (the word "classic" is here used rather loosely, referring to "Futurama" and "Family Guy", rather than "Merry Melodies") I could spot the lone majesty of Mt. Fuji on the horizon. Hooray.

Tune in next time as I continue my tantalizing tale of expatriatism. Same monkey time, same monkey channel. Well, probably not the same monkey time, but you get the idea.